Hey! I’m really excited to again have another post by my pastor Jeff Lockyer from Southridge Community Church. I originally just asked him to send me the post I shared earlier. (If you haven’t read it, click here). He sent me 2… and I just had to share this second one with all of you as well. For those who know me well, you know I’m quite passionate about purity and relationships. The funny thing is, I’ve never dated. For some, that might seem weird to hear, but I’m quite proud of the fact. God really shaped my perspective on spouse selection and put different people in my life who inspired me in that way. This post right here is just another example of this. My generation really needs to grab hold of this. We need to rise up to the standards that God wants us too, so that our marriages can just be another enhancement to our kingdom minded living. I really pray that this blog post inspires you as you consider spouse selection.
I’m sure you’ve heard the riddle involving the genie and the magic lamp. The riddle goes something like this: if you found a magic lamp with a genie inside and were given only one wish, what would you wish for? The wise answer, of course, is to wish for more wishes. By wishing for more wishes, you allow yourself a lifetime of dreams come true.
For young adults who aspire to live significant lives of faith in and service to Jesus, I believe there is a similar kind of decision facing you⎯the choice of whom (or even if) you’ll marry. From my experience, I feel like choosing your spouse (if in fact you marry at all) is one choice that has the potential to either open or close many more possible choices, kind of like wishing for more wishes with a genie and magic lamp.
Many times I’ve seen people under-appreciate the significance of this decision. For starters, people assume you’re supposed to marry just because that seems to be normal or expected in our culture. Have you ever realized that in the New Testament the value of singleness is esteemed even more than marriage, because singleness allows for a singularity of focus on knowing, loving and serving Christ? Give 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 a read sometime!
From the perspective of marriage though, imagine your life once (if) you’re married. What happens if you suddenly sense God calling you to a new adventure in ministry, one that demands leaving your comfortable home and job? Or what happens if your church is embarking on a new ministry adventure and needs member families to support it financially? How about when your teenagers (now we’re really imagining!) are making life-trajectory altering decisions what advice do the two of you as their parents provide?
What I’ve observed is that those kinds of decisions are either significantly supported or significantly stifled by your spouse. Sometimes in the church all we pay attention to is marrying someone of similar faith identity (meaning as a Christian we marry another believer), where I’ve heard it encouraged that we should also consider aligning around common faith intensity. If you want to live your spiritual life in 5th gear but your eventual spouse is fine with living theirs in 2nd gear, guess what gear your family will live their Kingdom lives in? You guessed it: 2nd gear.
So as you start to consider the notion of marriage, and even start to pray about, reflect on and consider prospective spouses, consider whether they’ll enhance your capacity to live a fully-devoted life or whether they’ll encroach on it.
From my experience, it only goes one of two ways: spouses either help you or hinder you in living fully for Christ. Their Kingdom capacity will affect every other faith and ministry decision you’ll ever make. That’s why I consider the person you’ll marry (if you marry at all) to be the second most critical decision you’ll ever make apart from choosing what to do with the Person of Jesus.
So choose wisely. Choose a Kingdom-minded, Christ-centred spouse. Give yourself the wonderful gift of freedom to wish for more wishes in your life together. And give God a chance to have all of His dreams for your life come true!